Woman On Earth: A Way About Her

By Kyrai Antares

The other day I came across an article in an old issue of Parabola (a journal dedicated to myth and the quest for meaning) that consisted of an interview with Judy Swamp – the wife of a Mohawk chief.  The interview beautifully captured the modern Native American way of life – the struggles of living on a reservation, the roles of men and women in the community, the challenge to maintain cultural authenticity, and the tragedy of environmental pollution. Even more interesting, however, was the more subtle message that seeped into me as I read the words and absorbed the emotional tone of Judy Swamp. More than the specifics of what she said, the way about her captured me. Even when she discussed disturbing issues, she was graceful and easy. Swamp would not tolerate the Mohawk women to be described as “liberated.”  She stated, “It is not that we’ve been liberated. It’s just that we’ve always had rights.”

This statement, and the tone behind it, quickened something in me. I began to see that this idea of liberation, freedom from something, implies that those characteristics and attributes that are inherently feminine can somehow be possessed, incarcerated, and granted by some “other” (“other” usually being projected onto males). Something can only be liberated if it has been imprisoned.  How could the inherent, ancient wisdom of woman ever be imprisoned? It might be more accurate to say it has been forgotten. The power of woman cannot be taken from her. But it can be given away.

Helen Luke (1980) writes that there is a biological difference between man and woman that is not to be ignored, but to be discriminated and celebrated. “It is a fundamental difference, and it does not stop with the body but implies an equally fundamental difference of psychic nature.”  Males have their own unique specialties and strengths, as do females.  Perhaps a true feminism would involve women remembering themselves as women. The real power for females is to look more deeply into the roots of the feminine in order to realize and manifest Woman on Earth. Each woman would do this with her own unique signature, brought to life with her authentic lifedance.

The grace of woman cannot be defined in terms of the masculine values of an

adversarial culture, and will not be squeezed into the race for worldy power and

wealth. The answer to equality in value is not to be found in standards of external achievement. We must reach deep inside to those places that commune with the archetypal, ancient wisdom of Woman – and live life from there. “A woman is born to be essentially and wholly a woman and the more deeply and consciously she is able to

know and live the spirit within her, the more surely she will realize this truth” (Luke, 1980, p. 11). This is the subtle grace that I absorbed from the Judy Swamp interview. She was living her unique expression of Woman on Earth. She did not need permission to do so, it was alive in her being.

How can we achieve this comfort and strength in womanhood in modern America? It is “normal” to simply absorb and pass on the conditioned ideas about woman rather than do the work to discover our own unique contribution to the fabric of universal womanhood. Yet many of us know the pain that comes along with adopting limiting ideas of woman, and would like to offer a more functional option to our daughters and sisters.

The only way to know about woman is to travel to the source – the archetypal nature of Woman. Helen Luke calls this numinous force “the perennial truth of the feminine way” (1980, p. 12). As we reach higher to live our own struggles and triumphs as modern women, we can also dig deeper and seek guidance from this perennial Woman. Woman is an eternal, archetypal force – one that is there whether or not we seek communication with it. This correspondence is a largely untapped resource for modern women – one that could be utilized in reforming the inner image of Woman that shapes our lives as women. We must sink into it, commune with its influence, and become its advocate. The freedom we seek in our expression of the feminine is there for the taking, if we are willing to challenge our conditioned patterns and seek the wellspring of Woman.

            I acknowledge that this new form of feminism is a tremendous paradigm shift. I believe, though, that many modern women long for deeper meaning in womanhood. It can be difficult to know where to begin reforming the image of woman that influences our experience as Woman on Earth. A good place to start the process is setting aside some quiet time to relax, go deeper into yourself, and answer (or at least consider) the following questions:

~ What does it mean to be a woman?

~ How would I like to represent Woman on Earth?

~ What is special about being a woman?

~ What ideas about womanhood would I like to alter or shed?

~ In what areas of my womanhood do I desire more fullness and vitality?

            ~ Who are some of the powerful women in my life?

            Because women are naturally communal, weaving a women’s web of power is a wonderful addition to this deep exploration into the nature of woman. Connect with women around you. Ask them to answer these questions. Discuss your responses. Feed the idea of a true feminism every day. Journal about woman, watch films that focus on women, read more about women, and record your dreams. You just might attract the attention of the perennial truth of the feminine way, and have the opportunity to bask in its influence. This process works from the inside out. It may seem unfamiliar at first, but the more you engage in communication with Woman, the more you will remember your true femininity. As you work to discover Woman within you, you will be able to express a truer Woman on Earth.  

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly; perhaps she’ll die?

I know an old lady who swallowed a spider that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her…

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly—I don’t know why she swallowed the fly; perhaps she’ll die...

  “Now why can’t things just be more simple?”

  The woman who swallowed the fly asked herself that question after she gulped down that bird— and then again when she squeezed down the goat, and definitely when she ate the cow. But she kept going. Why?  What did she have out of choosing to continue to take more than she could ever digest, all in an effort to get at that one little  issue of the fly resolved? Seems silly. Yet we do it all the time. In fact, there is a way out of it. Life is a series of decisions that we make one at a time, the best we can with what we have at the moment. One decision may lead to a whole string of decisions—like our friend swallowing animal after animal. Often we engage in one untrue behavior after another, just to get at that silly fly (that bothersome lie of imperfection). The story of the old lady who swallowed the fly is a metaphor for our endless search for something to be resolved, something within, something that happened long ago—we forgot our magnificence. We forgot our brilliance. We forgot how lovable we are. We forgot that we are perfect. We forgot that we are children of the heavens, here on earth with a special mission. We forgot ourselves—because we were conditioned to forget ourselves.  Maybe that fly we swallowed was the message, “There is something wrong with you.” This is a message totally inconsistent with who we are in essence.  The message is so distasteful, we begin the game of trying to eliminate it—by fixing ourselves. All these years we have been swallowing even bigger, even more ridiculous and detrimental animals and beasts, behaviors and adaptations, all in an effort to stamp out that one, insidious, message that has to be irritating to our essential wholeness that knows better. But there we are in personality, chasing after the fly. We swallow the spider (the web of lies we weave to attempt to fit in). We swallow that bird (flying around like crazy, trying to keep up with what we think is expected of us). We swallow that cat (being sly and mischievous because we have to be in order to meet our true needs). We swallow that dog (barking and biting those we love and ourselves because we are tapped out!). We swallow the goat (going along with the program, staying within the fence, to keep the peace). We swallow the cow (servicing—putting everyone else’s needs ahead of our own until we forget that we even have needs). And, finally, we swallow the horse (actually believing the lie, and thinking there is a fly to catch. In swallowing the horse, we are swallowed up). What is the purpose of this chase in the first place? What is it that everyone around us is doing—desperately working to fix themselves in some way. Many of us are barely staying just ahead of the game of pretending that nothing is wrong, that nobody is noticing, that we’re getting away with it—when actually all this swallowing is killing us.

  Change the story! What if she were a Bold lady and she wanted a star, even though it was too far? What if she bought some shoes, and wore those out trying to get to that star? And then what if she bought some skates, and skated as far as she could to get to that star? And what if she did not give up even when a wheel fell off of those skates, and she got on a bike? And what if when her chain broke, she bought a car—and when the mountain was too steep she got herself an airplane? She just had to get that star. No one understood, no one knew why she had to have that star. They especially thought she was a little wacko when she decided to climb on a rocket ship to go after that star. Oh yes, all the neighbors were talking. And—she got that star! She went into space with that rocket, and grabbed a star, and put it in her pocket. Now why would someone do such a thing? Why put all this energy into such a venture? Well, in the story by Charise Harper (2002), the woman took it home, and gave it to her child. And her child, her reason for being, was delighted.

  The difference between the story of the old lady who swallowed the fly and the bold lady who wanted a star, lies in what is being fed by the efforts of each lady. What is being fed? In the first story, the old lady was chasing after something — but was it something worth her energy? Is not her body wise enough to digest and filter out one little fly? But she spends her whole life fighting this one fly, and by fighting it, gives it all of her energy and ends up dead. Boring story. In the story of the bold lady, she is feeding her essential passion and sense of adventure, discovery, and self-fulfillment. She is feeding who she is at her core. She is feeding her desire for something more—for herself and for her child—in the face of collective misunderstanding. What you feed is what grows.

  In our work in becoming Woman on Earth, we are feeding our original, authentic being. We are opening up a dialogue with our own essence. We are remembering who we are, who we always have been—even if it was covered up for a while. This is difficult work.  It exposes our conditioning, it challenges our relationships, and it redefines integrity. But when that star has been pocketed, and you are standing as Woman on Earth, free to live your essential passion - you will understand that bold lady who just had to have that star! Tie up those shoe laces, oil up those rollerskates,  get a gel seat for that bike, gas up the automobile, book a ticket on an airplane, and sign up for astronaut lessons—because we have some Woman on Earth adventures to birth

Male/Female Roles

By Dawn Mantas

Question:

I'm having trouble. I do not get the kind of
emotional support I want from my husband. I never
really have, and it only seems to get worse as time
goes on. It seems like I just do different things to
distract myself from it most of the time. I just keep
busy. I have talked to him about it many times. I
tell him exactly what I want, specifically. He has
said anything from he doesn't understand why I need
that to he will try, but his efforts are pretty
minimal. He thinks that providing financially for us
is so huge that it should be enough. Is it possible
for a woman to ever be satisfied with the amount of
emotional support from a man?


Answer:

The first law of personal growth is: I can't change
someone else, I can only change myself… right?

There is nothing you can do to change a partner who
isn’t doing what you think you’d like them to do, but
there is a lot you can do to change you. And when we
change ourselves, the world is forced to change around
us. Changing you is, in effect, the ONLY way to
change anyone else.

The first question is: do you really want the change?
These are really hard questions to answer. Because of
course we'll say, "YES"... but if that were so,
wouldn't we have done something already? Most of the
time we're afraid. Afraid of what might happen,
because we have no control over the outcome, only our
response, so it might help to sit with whatever fears
you have and really decide if change is what you want.

The next question is: what lengths are you willing to
go to? Because remember, this isn't about your
partner, it's about you... how deep are you willing to
dig? And what are you willing to do and offer of
yourself?

It sounds to me like you are relying a lot on your
partner to fill a role he wasn't meant to fill... but
it also sounds like he's abdicated the role he was
meant to fill in your life. A lot of time when we do
personal growth work, we move into this space of being
"balanced" in ourselves. Those two polar opposite
parts of ourselves, the yin and yang, masculine and
feminine, become balanced. When that happens, you
find that you lose passion in relationship. Why?
Think of a magnet... opposites attract. Someone has
to be carrying the feminine energy, someone the
masculine, or the magnets will just sit there and do
nothing. When you have two balanced people, you have
no polarity, and hence, no passion.

Now, what you are looking to fill that hole with, it
sounds like to me, is making your partner into your
best girlfriend. Someone to listen to you, someone to
talk to, someone to confide in... is that really what
you want? I know it isn't what I want in a man or my
marriage. I want a man who will take me deeper than I
can take myself, who I trust, who I can surrender to,
who will be the masculine center that my feminine can
flow around. I have best girlfriends, I have women’s
groups that I can talk to about my issues... but
frankly, none of them can do for me what my husband
does. Think about partnerships. What does a
marriage or partnership offer that no other
relationship can?

Ok I'll say it... sex. And I'm not talking about
superficial gratification... I'm talking about deep,
open, heartfelt soul to soul connection. It doesn't
even have to involve orifices, just connection. That
is often what our feminine hearts are longing for, and
we just don't know it. And if we do know it, we are
afraid to ask for it, we are afraid it is too much,
and what do we do? We settle. We decide to make our
husbands into safe little girlfriends... which hurts
them and us.

I would take five minutes of my husband's undivided
full-on presence, just a simple moment of being
pressed up against the wall and told how beautiful I
am and how much he wants me, and how he is going to
take me tonight... over 2 hours of movie watching and
hand holding and chit chat about what we did all day.
Believe me.

So how do we get what we want?

First, you have to start radiating the feminine. I
don't mean dressing up in lingerie and prancing around
the house (although it wouldn't hurt!) but I mean
finding that part of you that is SHE... and
manifesting Her, living Her... letting her flow
through you... a woman in her feminine walks as if the
world swings on her hips, and love flows from her
fingertips. I would bet She has come through you,
dancing around the house or singing while putting away
the dishes...

The feminine is the body... so breath and movement
become paramount, and everything, simply everything
you do can be an offering of love... from the laundry
you fold to the meal you set at the table to the music
you choose to put on the radio to the clothes you wear
to the words you choose to say. I don't mean you can
never get angry or never feel what you feel... in
fact, giving your primary emotion in the moment is the
most precious feminine gift you can possibly give.

I have four simple little "rules" I follow every day
with my husband. He doesn't know about them and he
doesn't need to know. This is about me, not him.
But it has simply transformed our relationship and our
life together. I will offer them to you.

1. Be respectful. Listen to him without criticizing,
insulting or correcting him. Don't attempt to control
him by telling him what to do, say or how to do it
(ex. telling him how to fix something and when)

2. Indulge in self-care by beautifying yourself and
doing things that make you feel good. (you can give
anything if your tank is empty, you need to recharge
your own battery)

3. Be grateful, and accept his gifts in ANY package
they come (even if it is not the gift you were
expecting!) And in the beginning, thank him profusely
for even the smallest things

4. Be vulnerable. Admit when you are hurt and don't
cover it up with anger. (i.e. tell him you miss him
instead of telling him to stop watching TV or working
late) and do this, preferably, AT THE TIME you are
feeling it. Don't wait an hour, or 2 days. Do it NOW.

There is nothing wrong with you!